Finding time to write as a parent, especially if you’re a parent to one or more little ones, can be a definite struggle.

Writing in itself is often done in the “in between” hours – in between work, in between social engagements, and in between sleep (sometimes in sleep, hence the whole writers and coffee stereotype).

Parenting is rarely much different, thus all the sleepwalking, “mombies” out there. (Sorry, to all the dads; I know you guys struggle too, but your title doesn’t rhyme so well with “zombie.”)

So, how on earth does one attempt writing and parenthood? At the same time?!?!

Excellent question. As both a toddler mom and a working, professional writer, with a day job on top of it, I understand this struggle all too well.

Unfortunately, there’s no easy answer. There are only so many hours in the day, after all.

But, having survived (so far) the constant time-juggle of my son’s first three years, I do have a few thoughts on the subject. These are the things that have helped me, and hopefully might help you as well.

 

Decide on your “why.”

 

Part of finding the time to write is about minutes and hours. But just as important as the attempt to defy the space-time continuum, is mindset. You have to know why writing is so important to you and what you hope to get out of it, so you can structure your priorities.

For example, for me, writing is like breathing. It’s such an innate part of who I am that denying myself time to write would be akin to denying myself food, water, or a hot shower (something that often falls off the “schedule” when there are littles around).

Parenting advice abounds on the importance of self-care. Writing, for me, is self-care. When I don’t get time to interact with the page (especially when it comes to writing fiction), I am a miserable, grumpy person.

There are “bigger” whys as well. Writing is not only how I make sense of the world, it’s also my contribution to it. I write to help others overcome the same struggles (or avoid them) that I have experienced. I write to help create more inclusion and love in the world. And I write to help care for my family.

Knowing this, I can now decide on priorities. What’s more important? Catching the latest episode of Amazing Race or putting pen to paper? What’s going to do more to help me accomplish my goals?

Because I usually write while my son is sleeping, I often forgo downtime activities like watching TV or reading. (I know, I know, all writers must read. But if it’s a choice between only having time for reading or writing, unless I need to read for research, writing wins every time.)

 

Figure out what “balance” means to you.

 

This is also about priorities. First, the reality that we’ve all had to face: There’s no such thing as being able to “do it all.”

And there is a very real reality that kids grow up fast. Blink and you’ll miss something. Stay buried in your work for too long, and you’ll miss everything.

These years are ones you will never get back.

As important as being a writer is to me, being a mom is even more important. So, when my son is home and awake, I am focused on him. 100%.

There are some exceptions: If he’s busy engrossed in watching LEGO Batman for the literally hundredth time, I don’t feel too guilty about jotting down some notes on my latest novel or blog post. But, if he’s scribbling crayon masterpieces or engaging in epic light saber battles, I am right there, absorbing every precious moment.

On the other hand, writing is important too. Not only for my own self-realization, but for my family’s.

Kids learn about the possibilities for their own lives from observing their parents. It’s important for kids to see you going for your own dreams so that they will feel permission to go for their own.

It’s also important for my family’s financial prosperity. More income means more choices, more possibilities, and more freedom for everybody to pursue their own dreams.

I had a conversation with my husband the other day during which I expressed, rather forcefully, my need to write for the income it would bring and my deep frustration that there simply weren’t enough hours in the day to “do it all.”

I desperately wanted to be able to write more so that I could make more money so that I could do more things with our son, like take him to Disney World, or be able to quit my day job so that I could spend more time building LEGO towers or taking him to COSI (our local science museum).

After my outburst, my husband calmly reminded me that if the reason I am working so hard is to be with our son, I needed to make sure I didn’t work so hard that I never actually spent time with our son.

Sometimes structuring our priorities has everything to do with remembering why we’re doing what we’re doing in the first place.

 

Set aside dedicated time to write.

 

This can be five minutes or five hours. It doesn’t matter. The simple fact of the matter is, no matter how much or how little time you have to give to something, consistent effort over time will result in big progress.

Consider, for example, that you only have to write one page every day (about 500 words – 250 if you double-space it) to arrive at 365 pages at the end of the year. That’s easily a novel.

The important thing about having actual dedicated, set-aside time to write, however, is that you will show up at the designated time and you will write something.

I write whenever my son is sleeping. Although little ones require a lot of hands-on parenting, one of the pluses to the little years is that my son still naps. So when he’s napping, Mommy’s writing. I also take advantage of his earlier bedtime. As soon as he’s tucked in, out comes the laptop.

Your own kiddo may no longer nap, but there might be other cracks in the day you can discover. It might mean typing after his/her bedtime, if you’re a night owl. Or, shutting yourself in the bathroom late at night so you don’t disturb your sleeping spouse. (My husband does this.) Or getting up before everyone else to have some uninterrupted writing time.

And keep in mind, it doesn’t have to be a lot of time. The average person can type 250-500 words in 30 minutes.

 

Set a specific, daily, writing goal.

 

Similar to having a specific time set aside, with a specific goal, you will also be able to make slow and steady progress. Any goal will do, of any size. The idea here is to keep you accountable to making consistent effort.

When our son was still a baby, for example, my husband set the goal of writing one sentence a day.

Such a tiny goal seemed laughable to me at the time, but guess what? I made no such goal and guess who had produced real, actual writing over time, and guess who didn’t?

 

Focus, focus, focus.

 

This is one of the hardest things for me as, like many writers, I am easily distracted. This distraction may come in the form of the multitude of ideas and projects I am working on at any given time.

I literally have whole filing cabinets full of notes on different project ideas, and I keep running lists on my computer of essay ideas, blog ideas, article ideas, short story ideas, and book and novel ideas. I have enough to keep me busy for two lifetimes.

I also have a Ph.D. in procrastination. (I double-majored in that subject when I got my doctorate.) So if I don’t feel like working on a particular project on a given day, it’s easy to jump over to a different one and convince myself I’m still working. But this is a recipe for never finishing anything.

Working writers need to publish. And publishing means writing, finishing, submitting, and then hitting repeat.

 

Plan your time.

 

By this, I mean, before every work session write out your goals (word count, checklist of tasks, etc.) and stick to them like glue. Don’t go fold the laundry. Don’t put on the sixth pot of coffee. Check. Off. That. List.

And whatever you do, do not under any circumstances connect to the internet or check your phone. You have to be stickler about how you use every single spare minute, because you don’t have many of them.

 

Give yourself a break.

 

But, in the end, don’t forget to give yourself a break. We parents deal with a lot. And each day is highly unpredictable. You could have the best-laid plans, only to have something happen and need to alter your course at the last minute. That’s parenthood.

Indeed, that’s life. And life requires learning to roll with it.

Just this past Friday, I had planned to spend the day putting some final edits on a short story due by Monday. But our regular Thursday mommy-son date night got cut short by an unexpected event, and so I found myself promising my hysterical child that we would go back to play with the “choo-choo” trains in the morning.

This kind of thing happens all the time. From special events, to birthday parties, to doctor’s appointments, things are always happening to interrupt the “usual” schedule.

But as long as you are showing up on a somewhat regular basis, putting pen to paper or fingers to keys, you will get something accomplished over time.

So, five minutes here, five minutes there, it all adds up. Now go forth and write!

 

 

How do you “balance” your writing time and family time with little ones around?  Share your tips in the comments section below!